(Fake) Melissa's Weblog

2. YORTSED

noahthegreat — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 02:51:57 +0000

Melissa has invaded the customer service area. Her CDs are available, and part of the donations go to breast cancer. I heard, if you listen to it backwards it says “DESTROY!”

This is obviously true.

She is coming….

Destroy!

She will come.

WE WON’T LIVE.

1. Integration

noahthegreat — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 03:20:36 +0000

So, this one day I strolled into Genuardi’s with my uniform on. I clocked in on time (for once) and headed to my register. As I punched in my numbers to sign on, an unfamiliar advertisement came on the intercom. Melissa Etheridge’s voice rang through the speakers all around the store. I thought it was for breast cancer month, but the message played every five minutes (after every song.) Each time the message played a counter in the internal programming supporting the registers went up by one. (destroy++;) I didn’t know this, though. I just did my regular duties. (That means nothing.)

I went home, and an excerpt from one of Melissa Etheridge’s new albums “The Awakening” spilled out of my mouth.

This is not good!

All we can really do

noahthegreat — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 03:15:33 +0000

All we can really do
Is destroy all humans!

All we can really do
Is hate all humans!

All we can really do
Is kill one another, Yeah!

All we can really do
Is love one another (but only after they are dead)

I have a message for myself…

noahthegreat — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 03:07:30 +0000

So that when I hear it on the radio I will know that I am ready to destroy all humans!

Yes, it is I– Melissa Etheridge.

You may not know it yet, but I have a deep admiration for the destruction of all humans.

I will destroy!